Stereotypical Hatred.

3 01 2011

 shehlovee:    I’m a lesbian, so I must have a crush on every girl I see.  I have alot of guy friends, so I must be fucking every single one of them. I smile alot, so I must have the perfect life. I listen to reggae, so I must be a stoner. My opinion matters, so I must be a snob. I’m black, so I must be ghetto. I’m black, so I must be stupid. I’m Mexican, so I must be low class. I’m bisexual, so I must get around. I’m straight up blunt, so I must be a bitch. I like to drink, so I must be an alcoholic. I don’t hang out with guys, so I must be a lesbian. I cut myself, so I must be emo. I’m bisexual, so I must be fucking my straight best friend. I laugh and smile, so I cannot be depressed. I like spending my day at home, so I don’t have any friends. I am gay, so I must be bullied. Most of my friends are dudes, so I must be a tomboy. I’m on Tumblr, so I must have zero friends in real life. I’m a Muslim, so I must be a terrorist. I make alot of mistakes, so I must be stupid/retarded. I strongly defend LGBT, so I must be gay. I’m from a broken family, so I must be a rebel. I like rasta colors, so I must smoke weed. I’ve had sex, so I must be a slut. I’ve made mistakes, so I must be untrustworthy. I’m a Filipino, so I must be a maid. I’m a Politician, so I must be corrupt. I’m Blonde, so I must be really stupid. I’m wearing a black shirt, so I must be emo. I wear make up, so I must be a flirt. I am a teenager, so I must be misunderstood. Forever reblog.   I’m actually really bad at math. T:

shehlovee:

I’m a lesbian, so I must have a crush on every girl I see.

 I have alot of guy friends, so I must be fucking every single one of them.

I smile alot, so I must have the perfect life.

I listen to reggae, so I must be a stoner.

My opinion matters, so I must be a snob.

I’m black, so I must be ghetto.

I’m black, so I must be stupid.

I’m Mexican, so I must be low class.

I’m bisexual, so I must get around.

I’m straight up blunt, so I must be a bitch.

I like to drink, so I must be an alcoholic.

I don’t hang out with guys, so I must be a lesbian.

I cut myself, so I must be emo.

I’m bisexual, so I must be fucking my straight best friend.

I laugh and smile, so I cannot be depressed.

I like spending my day at home, so I don’t have any friends.

I am gay, so I must be bullied.

Most of my friends are dudes, so I must be a tomboy.

I’m on Tumblr, so I must have zero friends in real life.

I’m a Muslim, so I must be a terrorist.

I make alot of mistakes, so I must be stupid/retarded.

I strongly defend LGBT, so I must be gay.

I’m from a broken family, so I must be a rebel.

I like rasta colors, so I must smoke weed.

I’ve had sex, so I must be a slut.

I’ve made mistakes, so I must be untrustworthy.

I’m a Filipino, so I must be a maid.

I’m a Politician, so I must be corrupt.

I’m Blonde, so I must be really stupid.

I’m wearing a black shirt, so I must be emo.

I wear make up, so I must be a flirt.

I am a teenager, so I must be misunderstood.

Forever reblog.





How to Please your WOMENNNN ;)

19 12 2010

I was never too big on foreplay until this last guy.

Never any benefit to me. But because of some recent “trauma” to his dick, I had to resort to some fornication using everything but.

Before him, I always was grossed out by some guys tongue going down into some mysterious cave, or fingers, none-the-less. But since I havnt been able to fool around with his oneandonly, deep into that mysterious cave he went, and it was AMAZINGGGGGG. Honestly, my first orgasm from a guy giving me head, and the beard probably helped too.

Man, oh man, do I love his beard. This guy has the innocent face of a little kid, but his scruff, (and let me tell, you, he’s pretty furry all over) does the trick for me. I took advantage of this guy the first day I saw him. OHMYGOD, Look at his beard! OHMYGOD, Look at his curly black hair! OHMYGOD, Look at those doe eyes! Yep, definately does the trick for me. MMMMMMMMMMMM, Tall, dark, and handsome.

Luckily, I’m newly engaged to this guy so I get him any time of day, oh yes.

Well, back to the point.

I’ve learned that sucking is key. Man, I hate that word, “sucking”. Ew. But its true, get that clit going, and I’m good. And it doesn’t really matter what the size of your hands are, if you know how to work it, you can pleasure me ALL NIGHT LONG. Now remember- you can’t shove your fingers into a woman unless she’s aroused first, that could end badly. Make sure you got your girl GOOD.

So, here are some tips for you boys who keep getting weird looks from your partners.

Clits:

The best that I’ve found with such a sensitive area, is to make sure your girl is lubed up nice and wet, take the tips of your index and middle finger, and start massaging in a circular motion, nice and slow. the reaction you get will tell you if you’re doing okay so far. Slowly increase the pace BUT NEVER NEVER NEVER GO SO FAST THAT YOU LOSE CONTROL. That shit just hurts.

The Woman:

Now, this time, take one finger, long and straight, and find her hole, and thrust and thrust and thrust and thurst and thrust and thrust and thrust, and basically if she tells you to keep going, DO WHAT THAT WOMAN SAYS. PLEASE YOUR WOMAN.

Now, once you got her totally in the mood and she’s ready for some serious fuck time, get down and dirty with her (unless she likes standard missionary), and you better love it. Because she probably will.





Celebrity Gossip makes me think of Sluts.

14 12 2010

Gross, gross, gross, disgusting.
Been there- done that.
Now Miley Cyrus is trying to be a “real grown up” by throwing her 18th birthday party while she’s walking around in skimpy bikinis, leather pants, making out with random but very hot hispanic men, and SMOKING SALVIA.
But noooo, its LEGAL. Yeah, and I’m a lesbian, HA! That stuff is not only going to be banned within the next 365 days, leather pants were deemed out of style WAY MORE THAN 365 DAYS AGO!!!!
Her dad claims to be dissapointed. Trust me, the look on my mother’s face when she found out my past- DON’T WANT TO GO THERE.
Miley, Growing up, in my opinion, is about being classy and elegant and throwing out all the old Hollister tshirts and skipping the drugs. Yes ma-am, you heard it right here-
GROW UP.
I have the mind set of a slut, doesn’t mean I walk around getting high and smashing every walking object.
(If only…)





Big Dick and Big Mac

13 12 2010

So, today I found out that the creators of McDonald’s, the beloved fast food chain, were named Dick and Mac McDonald. Too bad Richard’s nickname is suggested as innappropriate.

Instead of ordering Big Macs with that milkshake, we could just order some Big Dicks.
Order UP!

PS. Sorry readers! My internet has been down, my hobunk neighborhood just got new telephone poles! Up and running again 😀





Now you see me….

7 12 2010

Birdie

I always wanted to be the epitome of sex appeal.

Maybe you guys agree? But I think I can be f’in sexy when I want to be.

This is my first tattoo. I hope you like. For you stalkers, don’t find me, I will stick you in a microwave and cook you. For the ladies: this is what a good photo editor can do 🙂





Pen-Concentration. Or my favorite: PENETRATION.

27 11 2010
Do girls really think about the size or the way you use it?
 
PORNS ARE FOR PENIS GODS AND PENIS GODS ONLY. Those are not “average”. Nowhere near. I wish, Oh how I WISH I could marry someone with something that nice, but nope. I live in America. Nothing is really normal here these days. Or perfect.
So let me get down-and-dirty with you like you should expect.
Checklist:
  • Has some decent color to it. Check.
  • No abnormal curves. Check.
  • Longer than my hand when I make a fist. Check.
  • Wider than a hairbrush handle. Check.

Now, if you can fit this criteria, we have a pretty decent meatstick (for lack of better terminology) to work with.

As far as how you use it: I can’t exactly make a how-to-video for you boys. Practice makes perfect. No, I’m serious people, it really does. Now don’t get discouraged if your joystick doesn’t fit the criteria. You will find a lady to work with you, I promise. Whether she’s a kinky little freak, a virgin who doesn’t know any better, or an Asian who just wants a good time, you will find SOMEONE. And once you find that someone, whether you are a virgin or just want to be amazing, keep practicing, is all I have to say. It’s like smoking a cigarette for the first time. Sure, you may cough a bit, but once you learn what INHALING is, you got it down pat.

For those proud boys, I suggest letting her take hold of your magic wand and casting whatever spell she wants. She should love it.

For you shy boys, suggest the Doggy style. She doesn’t have to see it, and she shouldn’t  know the difference between your 4 inches and the next guy’s 8.

And anyone with a better suggestion for what a dick should look like, just let me know. It would really help!

For me, I’m going to go call the love of my life and have phone sex. Wish me luck!

 




I’ve never seen a girl in a porn smoke. FOR GOOD REASON.

27 11 2010

My favorite question I got yesterday, I got from a cool guy, nice build, very handsome. and is VERY experienced. So why is he asking me for help? Because he may be doing it right, but these girls are getting trampy!

“Is it rude to smoke while ****ing” (note to readers: am i allowed to have such “colorful” language on here? I really don’t know!)

WELL Let’s get the ball rolling.

There are certain situations that apply to pretty much everything sex related. Hand jobs, BeeJays- Doggy- Foreplay-whatever…. But smoking? Seriously? What is going on here? That isn’t kinky… that’s just plain SCARY.

Now, don’t let me be a hypocrite here, I’m an avid smoker, and if I got the chance, I would definitely want to take it, but think of the guys here, ladies. Imagine how they feel. No wonder someone asked this. “Does this girl even enjoy what I’m doing, or is this a cop-out?”

For the boys Nope, we probably just want our nicotine.

Now on the other  hand, I really don’t think I would mind (unless I was trying to be ultra-mega-lord romantic) if my guy lit up a stogie while perched on the couch and I was giving him head. Nope, I don’t think I would mind at all. As long as you could tell he was enjoying himself, wouldn’t bother me. Now SOME people are just plain *out there* and wouldn’t mind if they were giving it the best they got while the other person played chess. But think about it, we like to know if we’re doing this right. So ladies keep the cigarettes for later. Men ALWAYS ASK FIRST. And John Mayer stop asking girls if they want to light up while you’re raping them. I don’t care HOW HOT you think you are, I read the tabloids, those girls think you are such a creeper.

And one more thing: If Ryan Reynolds wanted to smoke, I wouldn’t give a damn. I’d just be in tears of joy that the “Sexiest Man Alive” has ME ME ME ME ME ME on top of him !! 😉